Mainly because no one can spell “canopic”
Surgeon: “Did you finish putting that bandage on?”
Jabberwocky: “We mummified the patient, head to toe.”
Surgeon: “Brain out the nose and everything?”
Jabberwocky: “Yup. It was terrible trying to find canopic jars in the Pixis.”
Showing posts with label Jabberwocky. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jabberwocky. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
File No. 169
Probably just came back from church, too
Surgeon: “He says he got the wound by messing around on the couch. Apparently there was a knife in the cushions.”
Jabberwocky: “Yeah, he totally didn’t get stabbed by a hooker.”
Surgeon: “He says he got the wound by messing around on the couch. Apparently there was a knife in the cushions.”
Jabberwocky: “Yeah, he totally didn’t get stabbed by a hooker.”
File No. 168
Jabberwocky should have foreseen how much that would piss off a nurse
Nurse: “What’s wrong with her?”
Surgeon: “We don’t know yet.”
Nurse: “Why not? You did a c-scope.”
Surgeon: “Yes, we saw her colon. We know everything.”
Jabberwocky: “You can read a colon like tea leaves: Tell her future.”
Nurse: “What’s wrong with her?”
Surgeon: “We don’t know yet.”
Nurse: “Why not? You did a c-scope.”
Surgeon: “Yes, we saw her colon. We know everything.”
Jabberwocky: “You can read a colon like tea leaves: Tell her future.”
File No. 166
Except with less boutonniere-and-corsage and more hit-and-run
Jabberwocky: “What night is it?”
Teen Trauma Patient: “Friday.”
Jabberwocky: “Oh. What better way to spend a Friday night than in the resus bay? We’ve given you a gown, x-ray is going to take
a bunch of pictures...dude, it’s like the prom!”
Jabberwocky: “What night is it?”
Teen Trauma Patient: “Friday.”
Jabberwocky: “Oh. What better way to spend a Friday night than in the resus bay? We’ve given you a gown, x-ray is going to take
a bunch of pictures...dude, it’s like the prom!”
File No. 164
Haldart!
Surgeon: “Man, I can’t get a hold of any psych residents.”
Jabberwocky: “Okay, here’s the plan: I’ll run down the halls yelling, ‘Not the bees, not the bees!’ and when psych inevitably
comes you’ll ambush them.”
Surgeon: “That could work.”
Jabberwocky: “Yeah, just pounce before I get hit with a dart full of Haldol.”
Surgeon: “Man, I can’t get a hold of any psych residents.”
Jabberwocky: “Okay, here’s the plan: I’ll run down the halls yelling, ‘Not the bees, not the bees!’ and when psych inevitably
comes you’ll ambush them.”
Surgeon: “That could work.”
Jabberwocky: “Yeah, just pounce before I get hit with a dart full of Haldol.”
File No. 163
But it won't be a natural movement
Patient: “Turns out my neighbor is having surgery today, too. We’ll be able to ride home together.”
Jabberwocky: “She’s having knee surgery, you’re having rectal surgery. It’ll be a sight to behold.”
Patient: “She’ll be limping...I don’t know what I’ll be doing.”
Patient: “Turns out my neighbor is having surgery today, too. We’ll be able to ride home together.”
Jabberwocky: “She’s having knee surgery, you’re having rectal surgery. It’ll be a sight to behold.”
Patient: “She’ll be limping...I don’t know what I’ll be doing.”
File No. 161
While blindfolded
Jabberwocky: “Baloo finds running and weightlifting too easy individually, which is why he has combined them: He is that awesome.”
Baloo: “Same reason I do sex calculus.”
Jabberwocky: “Baloo finds running and weightlifting too easy individually, which is why he has combined them: He is that awesome.”
Baloo: “Same reason I do sex calculus.”
File No. 158
...and die
Baloo: “You’re going to give birth to 1,000 salmon.”
Jabberwocky: “That’s going to be uncomfortable.”
Rose Red: “Not as uncomfortable as when they come back to spawn.”
Baloo: “You’re going to give birth to 1,000 salmon.”
Jabberwocky: “That’s going to be uncomfortable.”
Rose Red: “Not as uncomfortable as when they come back to spawn.”
File No. 156
An actual, earnest conversation
Headless Horseman: “So the best way to deal with elephants is to send incendiary pigs at them.”
Jabberwocky: “Is there any other call for using incendiary pigs?”
Headless Horseman: “Not unless you want to watch some pigs burn.”
Headless Horseman: “So the best way to deal with elephants is to send incendiary pigs at them.”
Jabberwocky: “Is there any other call for using incendiary pigs?”
Headless Horseman: “Not unless you want to watch some pigs burn.”
File No. 153
Your health-care professionals hard at work
ER Doctor: “His CT isn’t back yet.”
Jabberwocky: “Your CT isn’t back yet.”
ER Doctor: “I’ll give you a CT.”
Jabberwocky: “I’ll give your face a CT.”
ER Doctor: “...are we done here?”
Jabberwocky: “Yeah.”
ER Doctor: “His CT isn’t back yet.”
Jabberwocky: “Your CT isn’t back yet.”
ER Doctor: “I’ll give you a CT.”
Jabberwocky: “I’ll give your face a CT.”
ER Doctor: “...are we done here?”
Jabberwocky: “Yeah.”
File No. 152
When you put it that way...
Jabberwocky: “I’m not a fan of skydiving. I don’t know what it is about it.”
The Mad Hatter: “You’re jumping out of a plane...with only a bed sheet to keep you from dying.”
Jabberwocky: “I’m not a fan of skydiving. I don’t know what it is about it.”
The Mad Hatter: “You’re jumping out of a plane...with only a bed sheet to keep you from dying.”
File No. 150
HAHAHA Science Joke!!!
Chicken Little: “The third fastest land mammal in the world is the blue buffalo.”
Jabberwocky: “It’s blue when coming at you, red when going away.”
Chicken Little: “The third fastest land mammal in the world is the blue buffalo.”
Jabberwocky: “It’s blue when coming at you, red when going away.”
File No. 149
And that orderly will never look at him that way again
Surgeon: “What’s that on your scrubs?”
Jabberwocky: “Bile. It’s cool, it’s not mine.”
Surgeon: “What’s that on your scrubs?”
Jabberwocky: “Bile. It’s cool, it’s not mine.”
Flie No. 148
Thought that was his “Weekday Thing”
Jabberwocky: “You go do your birthday thing.”
The Headless Horseman: “Yeah, I’m going to get drunk and yell at my parents.”
Jabberwocky: “You go do your birthday thing.”
The Headless Horseman: “Yeah, I’m going to get drunk and yell at my parents.”
Sunday, October 3, 2010
File No. 147
And Then Baloo Gave Them a Railroad Spike That Read, “Manifest Your Destiny”.
Chicken Little: “You, The Mad Hatter, and Rose Red will be roommates next year? It will be the Irish, the Chinese, and the Polish.”
Jabberwocky: “By our powers combined, there will be a railroad in that backyard.”
Chicken Little: “You, The Mad Hatter, and Rose Red will be roommates next year? It will be the Irish, the Chinese, and the Polish.”
Jabberwocky: “By our powers combined, there will be a railroad in that backyard.”
File No. 146
There Goes the Shakira Halloween Costume
Chicken Little: “I literally cannot shimmy.”
Jabberwocky: “I’m quite alright with that.”
Rose Red: “What does it mean to shimmy?”
Chicken Little: “It’s when you shake your upper body really fast so all your…parts shake.”
Jabberwocky: “You’re pretty stacked Rose Red, you could do it.”
Rose Red: “No, I can’t. I also can’t roll my Rs. I think the two are related.”
Chicken Little: “I literally cannot shimmy.”
Jabberwocky: “I’m quite alright with that.”
Rose Red: “What does it mean to shimmy?”
Chicken Little: “It’s when you shake your upper body really fast so all your…parts shake.”
Jabberwocky: “You’re pretty stacked Rose Red, you could do it.”
Rose Red: “No, I can’t. I also can’t roll my Rs. I think the two are related.”
File No. 145
Cats Are Jerks
ER Doctor: “Does anyone in the house smoke?”
Patient: “Yes.”
ER Doctor: “Do you have any pets in the house?”
Patient: “Yes, cats.”
Jabberwocky: “Do the cats smoke in the house? Because that would be terrible for your allergies.”
ER Doctor: “Does anyone in the house smoke?”
Patient: “Yes.”
ER Doctor: “Do you have any pets in the house?”
Patient: “Yes, cats.”
Jabberwocky: “Do the cats smoke in the house? Because that would be terrible for your allergies.”
File No. 144
Except People Remember The Challenger
The Mad Hatter: “Those 7Up commercials fucking launched Orlando Jones’ career.”
Jabberwocky: “Orlando Jones’ career launched with all the success of the Challenger shuttle.”
The Mad Hatter: “Those 7Up commercials fucking launched Orlando Jones’ career.”
Jabberwocky: “Orlando Jones’ career launched with all the success of the Challenger shuttle.”
File No. 140
Looking On the Brighter Side of Depression
Jabberwocky: “Maybe some eccentric millionaire will leave their entire fortune to you and then die.”
Chicken Little: “I don’t have that kind of luck.”
Jabberwocky: “Maybe it will be a cursed fortune.”
Jabberwocky: “Maybe some eccentric millionaire will leave their entire fortune to you and then die.”
Chicken Little: “I don’t have that kind of luck.”
Jabberwocky: “Maybe it will be a cursed fortune.”
File No. 135
And neither of them knows what’s going on
Edmund Dantes: “I know a guy who knows a guy.”
Jabberwocky: “Wait, is the first guy me, who knows the second guy, who is you?”
Edmund Dantes: “...yes.”
Edmund Dantes: “I know a guy who knows a guy.”
Jabberwocky: “Wait, is the first guy me, who knows the second guy, who is you?”
Edmund Dantes: “...yes.”
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