File No. 095

And hilarity will ensue
OB Doctor: “There is a famous saying in OB: Mommy’s baby, daddy’s maybe.”

File No. 089

Looking on the brighter side of STDs
OB Doctor: “All those crazy kings had syphilis rotting their brains, which is why they did things like marry their horse.”
Jabberwocky: “Thank God for syphilis.”

File No. 088

Like that would ever be the case
OB Doctor: “Or you can use a urine sample, if you don’t want to shove a swab in an orifice.”

File No. 087

Good news/Bad news
Patient: “I have yeast infections every two months.”
OB Doctor: “Oh, that’s just herpes.”

File No. 070

The gift that keeps on giving
Patient: “My husband got me a vasectomy for Christmas.”
OB Doctor: “For Christmas?”
Patient: “As a stocking stuffer.”

File No. 066

But can the bartender make water into wine?
OB Doctor: “Did she cut me off? She can’t cut me off! I’m a full-grown woman, the only people that can cut me off are Jesus Christ and a bartender.”

File No. 048

In the neonatal procedures book, the chapter on “Baby Head Reattachment” is pretty thin
Pediatrician: “You scared me in there.”
OB Doctor: “Why?”
Pediatrician: “You know when you pulled that grapefruit-sized fibroid out of the woman’s uterus?”
OB Doctor: “Yeah…”
Pediatrician: “For a second…I thought it was the baby’s head.”

File No. 046

Next time, just put it in a text message
OB Doctor: “I’m not sure what’s causing her pain. She did just have sex, though. Maybe it’s Jesus telling her she shouldn’t have sex.”
Jabberwocky: “I know Jesus works in mysterious ways, but severe abdominal pain? That’s kind of a dick move.”