File No. 166

Except with less boutonniere-and-corsage and more hit-and-run
Jabberwocky: “What night is it?”
Teen Trauma Patient: “Friday.”
Jabberwocky: “Oh. What better way to spend a Friday night than in the resus bay? We’ve given you a gown, x-ray is going to take
a bunch of pictures...dude, it’s like the prom!”

File No. 163

But it won't be a natural movement
Patient: “Turns out my neighbor is having surgery today, too. We’ll be able to ride home together.”
Jabberwocky: “She’s having knee surgery, you’re having rectal surgery. It’ll be a sight to behold.”
Patient: “She’ll be limping...I don’t know what I’ll be doing.”

File No. 159

Only freely given
Patient: “My husband maintains it’s because I was intimate with a zebra, but I maintain no bodily fluids were exchanged.”

File No. 145

Cats Are Jerks
ER Doctor: “Does anyone in the house smoke?”
Patient: “Yes.”
ER Doctor: “Do you have any pets in the house?”
Patient: “Yes, cats.”
Jabberwocky: “Do the cats smoke in the house? Because that would be terrible for your allergies.”

File No. 087

Good news/Bad news
Patient: “I have yeast infections every two months.”
OB Doctor: “Oh, that’s just herpes.”

File No. 070

The gift that keeps on giving
Patient: “My husband got me a vasectomy for Christmas.”
OB Doctor: “For Christmas?”
Patient: “As a stocking stuffer.”

File No. 065

It’s because of that “Buy One Get One Free” sale
Patient: “I’m sick of this vagina, go in the back and get me a new one.”
Jabberwocky: “I’m sorry, but our shipments come in on Thursdays. You’ll have to make another appointment.”