File No. 114

How to torpedo a lecture before it even starts.
Professor: “Would you want to be hooked up to a dream machine where you got everything you wanted, but none of it was real?”
Classroom: “No.”
Edmund Dantes: “Hell yes! Hook me up!”
Professor: “But you would never have contact with another real person again.”
Edmund Dantes: “That might be the best part.”

File No. 073

Here, hold these and I’ll be right back…
Professor: “If it weren’t for the filtering of your kidneys, you could pee out all your sodium in two hours.”
The Mad Hatter: “That sounds like a challenge…It’s alright guys, I got this one.”

File No. 068

Otherwise the secretaries keep telling you to come in for more appointments
Professor: “In a post-coital test the couple has intercourse and then comes into the office.”
Jabberwocky: “Oh…have sex THEN come into the office.”

File No. 059

Interventions would be so much more fun, though
Professor: “When we see someone with a substance abuse problem, we usually respond like the ostrich.”
Jabberwocky: “Lay an obnoxiously large egg?”
Chicken Little: “Disembowel them with your feet?”
Professor: “Put your head in the sand.”
Jabberwocky and Chicken Little: “Oh…”

File No. 049

Hey now, you’re an All-Star, get your game on, go play…
Professor: “Blaka, blaka, blaka, marsupialization, blaka…”
Chicken Little: “What is ‘Marsupialization’?”
Jabberwocky: “I don’t know, I’ve been sitting here trying to remember the lyrics to, ‘All-Star’ by Smashmouth for the last ten minutes.”

File No. 011

Finally, the answer to an age old question
Professor: “Can someone explain creationism in two sentences?”
Puck: “God made this. SHAZAM!”