File No. 161

While blindfolded
Jabberwocky: “Baloo finds running and weightlifting too easy individually, which is why he has combined them: He is that awesome.”
Baloo: “Same reason I do sex calculus.”

File No. 135

And neither of them knows what’s going on
Edmund Dantes: “I know a guy who knows a guy.”
Jabberwocky: “Wait, is the first guy me, who knows the second guy, who is you?”
Edmund Dantes: “...yes.”

File No. 081

Working Smarter, Not Harder
The Mad Hatter: “I’m just going to log the three patients I have that won’t live long enough for a follow-up.”

File No. 058

By fourth year you’re not standing in other people’s urine
Billy Goat Gruff: “So I was getting yelled at by a scrub tech and a surgeon, standing in a puddle of urine that wasn’t my own, and I’d been working for fourteen straight hours…and all I could think about was how much better this was than second year. And I liked second year more than first year.”

File No. 052

The definition of “Emergency” is highly dependent upon your situation
Puck [calling on cell phone]: "Hello, Jabberwocky? Quick, this is an emergency!"
Jabberwocky: “What is it?”
Puck: “What’s the name of the pedophile ice-cream truck guy?”
Jabberwocky: “You mean Mr. Ding-A-Ling?”
Puck: “Thanks.” *click*

File No. 045

…how many calories are in a pet monkey
Sleeping Beauty: “Ah, Arabia: Where the poor people can’t afford food, but they all have decorative hats. SELL YOUR HAT FOR FOOD! It’s not like it’s cold.”

File No. 032

Pecos Bill stumbles upon a great workout program, that only works once
Rose Red: “Pecos Bill, have you been working out?”
Pecos Bill: “No, Pecos Bill just bought a tighter shirt.”

File No. 015

It’s the best of both worlds…until the waveform collapses
Djinn: “You are either pregnant or not pregnant…”
Chicken Little: “You can’t have Schrodinger’s Uterus.”

File No. 014

It has to start somewhere
The Mad Hatter: “My roommate was Indian my freshman year.”
Jabberwocky: “By sophomore year he was straight up Asian.”
The Mad Hatter: “Indian: The Gateway Race."